My life has just really felt out of sync since… well, pretty much since we moved to Thief River Falls 8 months ago. I don’t know what it is except for that every time there is a big change in my life it seems to catapult me either up or down. In this case it’s been down. This is saying nothing about TRF. I love it here. I love our church and the community we serve. But spiritually, I just feel like I’ve been in a funk. I can’t seem to get in a spiritual rhythm.
I’ve been in funks before. We all have. It’s part of the journey. There are ups and downs; peaks and valleys along the way. But they’ve never lasted this long before. And typically the funk is exaggerated by my own willful negligence. But not this time. I’ve been very intentional at trying to break out. I’ve recalled the times in my life when I was on a spiritual “high” and I’ve tried to replicate them. I’ve tried going on retreats, to conferences and on vacation. I’ve read books, read the Bible and devotionals. I’ve prayed spontaneous prayers, liturgical prayers and have written prayers. Nothing.
Sure there are moments. There are times when I can breath deeply for a day or two or even a week and I feel like my head is finally rising above the water. Only to slip back beneath the surface.
My most recent “strategy” has been to examine my life to see if there are any sin issues that are getting in the way of God. Now, I pretty much sin daily, but I can’t for the life of me see anything that is a perpetual habit of sin – anything that’s repetitive and unconfessed that may be aiding my funk.
Yet, I can’t stop this nagging feeling that I’ve become too dependent on too many things that are NOT God. I’m not even exactly sure what those things might be. They may not be things that we typically think of as sins. They may be good things. They may even be necessary things. But when there are too many Things that are not God in our life, the Things become our God.
And I think that is where I’m stuck.
Lent starts on Wednesday and I feel it is as good a time as any to start purging myself of things that I’ve become dependent on over God.
First to go is coffee.
Those who know me know how hard this is going to be. I LOVE coffee. Coffee is good. Coffee is great. Coffee is necessary?
I will be letting go of other things as I discover what they are. So will you do me a favor? If you see something in my life that has taken the place of God, will you point it out. I’m giving you permission. Just don’t be a jerk about it, okay.
Let me be clear about my purposes here. This is not about asceticism. Self-denial and abstinence are not the goal.
The purpose is absolute surrender to God. To let go of the things I’m holding onto instead of Him. The things I’m clinging to as my security, my comfort.
It’s about letting go and letting God work in me and through me. And clinging to Him as my only hope.
Want to join me on this Lenten journey?
