Finding Freedom from Pornography

This is the practical follow-up to my sermon on June 20, 2010 – “Lust, Lies and Truth.” You can listen here: http://www.epiphanystation.com/MEDIA

Most people try to free themselves from a pornography addiction by doing either one or a combination of these things:

1. Asserting their will (“I’m not going to look at pornography today.”). This is akin to the alcoholic declaring, “I’m never going to drink again” when he wakes up with a horrible hangover or does something regretful. This is admirable, but if it is just your will against your addiction, you will lose most of the time. And even if you win today, you despair because you know you will only give in tomorrow.
2. Constructing a bunch of rules and regulations (“All computers must be kept in a common area.”). This is not a bad idea, but in and of itself, it will fail because… well, because rules were made to be broken. And chances are you got to where you are by breaking a bunch of them already.
3. Praying (“God, take away this desire.”). Again, not a bad idea, but in many cases, our prayers are misdirected. Newsflash: God gave you the desire, so He’s not going to take it away. It’s not enough to just pray. We must pray the right kind of prayers in conjunction with the things listed below.

Lust is a matter of the heart before it is an act of the body. Therefore, just simply modifying our behavior won’t solve the problem. It may for a time, but if we don’t address the heart issues, our lust will rear it’s ugly head again even stronger. Jesus doesn’t want our morality. He wants our hearts. We must allow God’s truth to change our hearts and transform our minds.

Put simply: Our love for Christ must outweigh our love for porn.

That said, here are 7 practical things I believe are necessary for finding freedom from pornography.

Lent Reflection # 6: Dealing with Fear

God has gifted me with the ability to see the big picture and develop strategies to accomplish the vision He’s given. That means I’m also a planner. Whether articulated or not, I often have in my mind the steps (in the correct order) necessary to get from Point A to Point B. Most of the time, I like having this ability. There’s just one problem, however: God rarely does things according to my plans.

We can make our plans,
but the Lord determines our steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

I’ve realized this week that I’m dealing with some anxiety over some directional issues with Epiphany Station. Now, let me say, these are good issues to have. They are issues of growth and vitality. I’ve been on the other side dealing with issues of death and decline and I have to say I do prefer this type of anxiety over that one. But that is also what scares me. I’ve never dealt with this before. I’ve dreamed about it. I’ve envisioned it. I’ve prayed for it. I’ve prepared for it. But I can’t say, “Been here, done that; this is what you do next.” And frankly, it’s a bit unnerving.

We all deal with fear at one time or another. For some the fear is fleeting. For others, it’s constant. Sometimes we have fear of good things (“Don’t screw it up!”). Fear of bad things (“Don’t hurt me!”). And fear of the unknown (“I don’t know what to do.”). Sometimes fear can motivate us. Other times it paralyzes us.

Whatever the case, fear is an instrument of the devil. The Bible makes it clear that we are to fear one thing and one thing only: Him (see Matthew 10:28 for instance). This fear is one of respect, reference and awe for the power, knowledge and holiness of God. All other fears must be submitted to Him.

There is a well-known Proverb that I’ve been going back to this week in dealing with my fears.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

It’s probably obvious how this speaks to fears of good things and the unknown. The reality is, I can’t screw it up! If I am trusting God and seeking His will, He will take care of the rest. Same applies to fears of the unknown. Trust. Seek. Go.

But this passage also has a lot of truth for those dealing with fears of bad things. The fundamental issue is trust. Your fears may seem rational, plausible, and real, but do not depend on your own understanding. Satan is a deceiver and one of his primary tactics is to get you to feel fear. But your own understanding deceives you. It is not truth. Are you going to trust your own thoughts and feelings or are you going to trust God who tells us that fear and timidity are not of Him. Instead He gives us a spirit of power (to conquer fear), love (to endure fear), and self-discipline (to resist fear) (2 Timothy 1:7).

In addition to trusting God, we are told to “seek His will.” This isn’t as complicated as we often try to make it. God’s will is that you not be afraid. God’s will is that you trust Him. God’s will is that you obey. If you do this, He will show you the way out (“which path to take”).

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Lent Reflection #5: A New Song

Psalm 98

¹ Sing a new song to the Lord,
for he has done wonderful deeds.
His right hand has won a mighty victory;
his holy arm has shown his saving power!
² The Lord has announced his victory
and has revealed his righteousness to every nation!
³ He has remembered his promise to love and be faithful to Israel.
The ends of the earth have seen the victory of our God.

We literally have been singing a lot of new songs lately at Epiphany Station because God is doing such wonderful things! He is winning victories over sin, addiction, fear, and complacency. He is saving people from cycles of poverty, despair and depression. The Lord Almighty has declared victory in Thief River Falls – over every hidden power and evil authority in the unseen world (Ephesians 6:10-12). The Lord is proving His love and faithfulness to us and people all around the Red River Valley are seeing the victory of our God.

This is the truth.

But Satan is a robber and a liar. He will try and steal our joy. Knowing that he has lost, he will try to make us think that we are the losers. He will dig up old hurts and dirt to try and get us to question our victory. So watch out! Our enemy prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).

But despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ Jesus! (Romans 8:37).

So keep on singing new songs! Keep on praising God for His wonderful deeds! Keep on declaring victory! For our God is mighty to save!

Lent Reflection #4: Turned Inside-Out

I could hardly sleep last night. I was still so jazzed up about the incredible worship service yesterday. It is so encouraging to see and hear what God is doing in peoples’ lives.

I took a bit of a different track in the 2nd service (the one that is online), so I wanted to just share some of the reflections from 2 Corinthians that I shared in the 9 a.m. service.

2 Corinthians 5:16-21 (New Living Translation)

¹⁶ So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! ¹⁷ This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

¹⁸ And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. ¹⁹ For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. ²⁰ So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” ²¹ For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.

1. People matter to God for who they are, where they are. Paul says in v. 16 that “we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.” We have to look at each and every person with God’s eyes and see what He sees – a beautiful person made in His image and for whom He sacrificed His Son. The obvious implication is that we not judge people by their appearance, but perhaps a less obvious notion is this: that we not rush people through a process or program trying to force them to reach their potential. People matter. Not for the potential they have, or the results they can produce, or the amount they can give or serve. But for who they are, where they are.

2. God loves you just the way you are, but He also loves you too much to leave you the way you are. “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (v. 17). God loves you and accepts you just the way you are – with all your history, junk, and mess. And because He loves you so much, He’s not going to leave you just the way you are. He’s going to change you; transform you from the inside-out. You can’t come to Christ and not be changed. But this is why #1 above is so important. Because it is God that does the changing, not us. We can put steps in place to guide the journey, but it is God that transforms the heart and mind.

3. Our transformation is for other peoples’ reconciliation. “And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him” (v. 18). We are transformed not just for our benefit, but for the benefit of others. So that people can see what God has done in our lives and be reconciled (literally “to change a relationship”) to God by the powerful witness of God’s miraculous work in our lives. In the words or our mission statement, we are “turned inside-out by the life-transforming hope of Jesus Christ and sent out to embrace thousands more…”

Lent Reflection #3: Answered Prayers

We’ve been doing a prayer challenge at Epiphany Station in which people pray 60 seconds a day for 60 days for our church. We’ve been seeing some pretty amazing results. In our GPS (small) group, we’ve been praying for some specific things, most of which have already been answered. One of the things we’ve been praying for is 7 new families to join our church during the 60 day challenge.

Now, I must admit, I wasn’t really sure how we were going to measure such a thing because we are not simply praying for 7 new guests, but for 7 new families or singles to “sign on” and make [e]stat their church. People don’t typically just show up and say, “I want to join your church.” If they do, then you’ve got good reason to be suspicious. So even though I believe that God could grant this request, I wasn’t exactly sure how He would do so.

Well… Yesterday I met with my 7th family in less than 3 weeks that essentially has said, “We want to make [e]stat our church.” Now let me just say that in the previous 18 months, this happened exactly zero times. Although guests have been coming, people have been sticking, and we’ve been growing, I’ve never actually sat down with anyone before who has said to me, “We want to commit to this church. What do we do now?” But in about the last 18 days, it has happened 7 times!

Now to be fair, most of these people have been coming on and off for several months already, but something has happened in them that has made them want to move from the crowd into the level of community, which is exactly what we have been asking God to do.

I feel very humbled and blessed to be a part of something that is far bigger than me and way out of my control.

Lent Reflection #2: In the Desert

Lent is traditionally a period of 40 days (it’s actually longer if you’re keeping score) of reflection and preparation leading up to Easter. The 40 days corresponds with the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert being tempted by Satan.

Everyone goes through times of testing and trial at one time or another. This is often a time of pain, weakness, suffering and vulnerability. It’s not usually a fun time. Not many would opt to go through it if given the choice. Yet, difficult as it may be, these times of testing and trial can be the most productive parts of our lives.

After living 30 years in relative obscurity Jesus breaks onto the scene to be baptized by the prophet John. This is seen by many to be the start of Jesus’ public ministry – his seminary graduation; ordination; commissioning. But immediately following Jesus’ coming out party, we read, “Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted there by the devil” (Matthew 4:1). Welcome to ministry, Jesus.

Many of us tend to see these desert times as times when God is absent. St. John of the Cross called this the “dark night of the soul.” It is a period where “darkness hides His face,” prayers seem futile, and hope is gone. Although this can be a difficult and trying time, God has not abandoned us. In fact, it is during these times of trial that we rely most on His strength.

Notice that the Spirit led Jesus into the wilderness, but it was Satan who did the tempting. God may allow us to undergo a period of testing so we can be refined in the fires of trial. He may lead us there, but He does not leave us there. It may be difficult to understand in the midst of the battle, but when the fight is over, you’ll be able to look back and see how He won the war.

We often look at the “mountaintop” as the pinnacle of spiritual growth. Yet, if you want to get to the top of the mountain, you have to travel through the valley. There are no shortcuts. It is only because of the lessons we have learned and the trials we have endured in the valley that makes the mountaintop possible. It is the pruning in the desert that leads to bearing much fruit in the orchard.

Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Eventually the devil will flee and God will comfort your soul (Matthew 4:11).

Lent Reflection #1: You are My Hiding Place

Do you ever just feel like hiding? I do. There are days when I just want to hide in bed, in my office, house, or coffee shop and not have to do anything or talk to anybody. I have been struggling big-time with Seasonal Affective Disorder this winter. That’s a fancy way of saying I feel like crap. A lot. As the pastor of a growing church, husband, father, son, and friend, it’s not a good feeling. There are a million people and things that constantly demand for my attention – that want, need, and deserve for me to come out of hiding. Most days I do. Some days I don’t. Every day is a battle.

For you are my hiding place;
you protect me from trouble.
You surround me with songs of victory. (Psalm 32:7)

Since I can’t hide from the world as much as I’d like to, I have found great comfort in knowing I can hide in God. That I can face every day knowing that my thoughts, feelings, fears, anxiety, stress, and depression are all safe and secure in Him. When I’m having a bad day, I can hide in Him. When I’m having a good day, I can hide in Him. When I need to do something I just don’t feel like doing, I can hide in Him. He is my hiding place; my protector from trouble, whether that trouble is real or perceived; internal or external. I can hide in Him.

The last part of that verse is my favorite: “You surround me with songs of victory.” God is like a coach standing beside me (and within me) shouting,

“You can do it! I am your hiding place! I am your protector! We’re going to win today! When you’re weak, I am strong! When you fall, I’ll pick you up! When you’re empty, I’ll fill you up! Victory is mine!”

When you feel like hiding from the world, hide in God. When troubles surround you and well up within you, hide in God. Know that you can face any internal struggle, any external trouble, safely secured in the protective arms of our loving Father who is cheering you on. Because victory is His.

This Lent: Give it away

Lent starts tomorrow (Wednesday, February 17). This is the period between Ash Wednesday and Easter used as a time for Christians to prepare themselves through prayer and repentance for Christ’s resurrection. Traditionally, Christians have used this as a period of self-denial to purge themselves of sin. Though not prescribed in the Bible, it can be a fruitful season for believers to remember their need for a Savior and fix their eyes more closely on Jesus.

Each year during Lent for about the last 10 years I’ve given up something that I’ve considered to be an idol in my life; something that I’ve grown an unhealthy attachment to. In the past, I’ve given up caffeine, sweets, beer and TV (not all in the same season, of course. That would be a true miracle.) and have found it to be an incredible time of self-examination and dependence on God. But this year I’m going to try something different. I don’t want to just sacrifice something for myself; I want to sacrifice something for someone else. I don’t want to just give up something. I want to give something.

For instance, my boys are giving up Wii (Purely on their own initiative, which is a miracle since they are addicted to the new Star Wars game they just got.) and are going to use the time to play with interactively with each other, make cards for loved ones, and help neighbors. A girl in our church is not charging the single mom she baby sits for during Lent. Another person is giving up coffee and sending the money saved to help the people in Haiti. Myself? I’m giving up beer (probably a good thing for a pastor) and giving the money saved (which is a TON! j/k) to the local AA affiliate.

Here are a few good guidelines to remember during Lent:

1. It is between you and God. Ask Him to expose your idols. He’ll show you what you need to sacrifice. It may not be what you think. You may not like it. You probably won’t want to do it. That’s a good indication that you should.

2. Don’t dictate to others. It is between them and God. So don’t try to tell them what they should give up or point it out when they slip up.

3. It is a matter of the heart. The temptation is always to make it about the rule rather than the relationship. If you do that, you will make you and everyone around you miserable and you will miss out on the blessing God has for you.

4. Don’t beat yourself up. If you slip up, confess it and move on.

Take some time and ask God, “What can I sacrifice in order to serve someone else?” I look forward to hearing what God does in and through you.

Guarding the Mission and Vision

We are in the midst of a 9-week series at Epiphany Station exploring the unique mission and vision God has given us as a church. The word “unique” is very important. It’s not that the mission God has given us is all that different than what He’s given other churches. But the context and expression of the mission is unique to us because of how He’s gifted us, called us and equipped us. And the vision is unique because it is the fulfillment of the passions God has placed in our hearts to accomplish the mission He’s given us.

Because of the uniqueness of it, not everyone will jive with it; not everyone will be gifted, called or impassioned to fulfill it. This is very important to remember. Always. Because there will always be people who will try to take us off mission, either directly or indirectly. They may be good-intentioned, well-meaning people, but they don’t get it. They have their own agenda, needs, and/or vision, and it is not the unique mission and vision God has given us as a church to fulfill.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In many cases, this can be a good opportunity to hook someone up with a church that fits more with their gifting and passions. We have to realize that we are not a church for everyone. We are a church for outsiders.

The purpose of Epiphany Station is to love God and love people by embracing thousands of outsiders in an authentic community of faith that is characterized by heartfelt prayer, souled-out worship, mind-blowing biblical teaching, sacrificial service, radical generosity, and intentional fellowship where they can be turned inside-out by the life-transforming hope of Jesus Christ and sent out to embrace thousands more…

Insiders vs. Outsiders

This is a follow-up to my sermon, Embracing the Outsider, from January 3. If you haven’t listened to it, please do so before reading on.

Listen here or subscribe to the Epiphany Station podcast.